Going Outside OCD

Good morning.... or is it? I woke up and took the dogs to the back door so they would go outside; to do their thing, buuutttttt they didn't want to go outside- to cold - rainy- or who knows why they chose not to somedays. I guess they are a lot like me they just don't speak my language most of the time for me to understand. This would be true for me to say because even though I speak the same language as most people who I communicate with they seem to not understand a word I say. I would like to think that I have good communication skills, I was a leader in middle school and did my own thing in high school and even trained a lead others throughout my life before going on disablity.

I know my kids tell me that I should go back to work but I wonder if they lived in my head how they would feel about that. There are days I can't even leave my own room now a days. I become so panic stricten if I have to think about leaving that I can't even breath. So today I had to come up with my own defense weapon to go downstairs and I use this one a lot "B*TCHING" not at anyone inperticular just doing it in gengeral. It seems to side track the brain to do what I need to get done while I am there.

I know I listed some of the stuff that I suffer from but I did leave out some of it. I have been in several accidents in my life and seem to forget things. So if you have known me from some part in my life I sometimes need what I call triggers ( I am sure I got that from some medical source or person) to help me remember you even things we have done. This is so fustrating to me because I so want to know if maybe there was something I should be asamed of LOL...  But if you think about it sometimes this is a good thing. For example my husband and I might be having a fight or disagreement over who knows what when one of us turn our heads it is like we foret what we were even fighting or arguining over. This is also true when it comes to other people in my life. I would have to say this would be Gods gift to me!

So I hope to learn to be a Great Blogger and that it helps someone, even just one person would be great. Please feel free to give me feedback in the comment section. Oh yeah if I seem to go in all directions don't forget I am off of meds right now and that I do have Adult ADD. This can be a good thing or a bad thing, just depends on the day. Well I did say that I would be making sure that I help people understand stuff about what I suffer from and hope that it may help them understand it better. So today I will research about memory and OCD.  So I will be back later to give you some answers, who knows it just might help me too!

Have a Better Day than Me and talk at you soon! Oh yeah having a hard time breathing today due to some other medical issue, but I will deal with that later! ( I know that I did not spell everything correct, however when hitting the spell check it doesn't give me any missppelled words so please forgive me if I did)

What is it? What do I suffer from ... What Now?

What is Mental Illness?  It is a Noun. Any of various conditions characterized by impairment of an individual's normal cognitive, emotional, or behavioral functioning, and caused by social, psychological, biochemical, genetic, or other factors, such as infection or head trauma. Also called emotional illness, mental disease, Also called mental disorder.

Read more: http://www.answers.com/topic/mental-illness#ixzz1rw1cI3f9

Bipolar disorder is a mental health disorder in which the brain causes a person to go into extreme moods for lengthy periods of time. The manic mood is an unstable mood, erratic thoughts, is a high-energy, and risky behavior. If you or a loved one has bipolar disorder, it is a very manageable disease with several Bipolar treatment options.

To learn more go to: http://health.yellowise.com/articles/detail/bipolar_treatment.html?article_id=76&keyword=Bipolar%2BTreatment

  

Depression is known by different names like exhaustion; lethargy; languidness; languor; lassitude; and listlessness, though varying dramatically from a usual state of lethargy to a specific work-induced burning sensation within your muscles. Physical depression is the incapability to continue performance at the level of your normal ability. It is omnipresent in everyday life, but usually becomes chiefly noticeable during heavy physical exercise. depression of the brain on the other hand, rather comes into effect in while asleep. Depression is considered as a symptom, as opposed to a sign , because it is reported by the patient instead of being observed by others. It is very common for Depression and feelings of depression not to be confused with each other.  

To learn more go to: http://health.yellowise.com/articles/detail/depression_information_and_resources.html?article_id=13&keyword=depression

An anxiety attack is a short period of overwhelming fear that comes on with no warning and for no rational reason.Those who experience anxiety attacks one or three should go to a doctor. An anxiety attack is also often called a panic attack.

Anxiety Symptoms

This uncertainty coupled with the actual physical and emotional symptoms of an anxiety attack makes life very challenging for those who have anxiety attacks. Some people become so scared of an anxiety attack coming at an inappropriate. This fear is often called agoraphobia. especially when used in reference to anxiety attacks.People experience anxiety attacks in all situations and statistically very few experience anxiety attacks in open spaces.

To learn more go to: http://health.yellowise.com/articles/detail/anxiety_information_and_resources.html?article_id=28&keyword=Anxiety

 

Adult ADD/ADHD - Life can be a balancing act for any adult, but if you find yourself constantly late and disorganized, overly distracted and forgetful, and overwhelmed by your responsibilities, you may have adult ADD/ADHD. Attention deficit disorder impacts many adults, and its wide variety of frustrating symptoms may hinder everything from your relationships to your career. 
Learning about the signs and effects of adult ADD/ADHD is the first step toward understanding the challenges and identifying your own symptoms. Once you understand the difficulties that come with ADD/ADHD, you can learn to compensate for areas of weakness and take advantage of your many strengths and talents.
To learn more go to: http://helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_adult_symptoms.htm
 

What Now?

 I started taking anti-depressions and anti-anxiety medications when I was with the kids Dad. I tried so many different depression medication that I can't even tell you all of the names. The last one that I have been taking is Celexa I didn't want to go off of my Meds, but due to the Dr. that I was seeing I was unable to get any more. They told me to see another office that used my insurance but I had called them a few times with no luck getting a call back. I know that people say that there is no such thing as withdraw from coming off of an anti-depressant! I know better I have had to go through it more than once; and it has been from different types of medication. It is such a hard thing to go through! Not only does it effect your mental state it also causes your body  symptoms too! I have felt it in my face: My face will tingle and my mouth feels so strange in my lips that it drives me crazy. My body doesn't want to move it feels so heavy! The biggest thing is the thoughts in my head that I know when you put it out there People want to commit you. Dr.'s, Police, and anyone in the Medical industry think they have the right just because you say it. So be careful what you say because you could loose your freedom because they feel at that point and due to laws they have a right to protect you from yourself, EVEN IF YOU KNOW YOU COULDN'T GO THROUGH IT ! 

 

I do believe in getting help and therapy because it does help! The BEST therapy I have had is hypnotherapy and my kids have also done the same. My son has done the most of this type and says it is the BEST! So if you think you suffer from any of these or some other type of mental illness I strongly suggest to get help! If one thing doesn't work try something else because I have suffered for more that 30 years that I know of; Probably more than that since I know I did things as a Child to try and help myself. I will be seeking a New Dr. and Therapist because without them I don't know if there will ever be a "Normal" person in me (whatever Normal is anyway that is a whole other subject to think about later).

About me and Life today

I guess the best way to start a blog would be for me to tell you a little bit about me! I was born in 1964, I was the 4th child of 5 children. My parents are still together and I never really saw them fight. My Mom was a stay at home Mom and did everything she could do for us. My Dad worked and sometimes worked more than one job to keep food on the table. He was your typical male who was raised to believe that it was his job to provide for the family. My older siblings use to tell me that I was adopted and that is why my parents didn't have a baby picture of me from the hospital. They would call me D E V I L which came from initials for names  that they came up with for me. Some day I will share my name for those of you who don't know me. But for now I will just leave it like that.

I think I could say that I can remember early in Life that I would hit my head on the wall to try and fill better. Why I just can't tell you. I feel that I had a good childhood. I also remember trying to hang myself when I was a teenager, but of course my Dad came down and asked me if I really wanted to die and cut the cord that was around my neck and replaced his hands around my throat and held me up as he said "Do your really want to DIE?" I think he must have known what the answer would be... Because here I am writing this for your eyes.

Today the father "Daddy" to my kids would have been 51 years old... He died when he was 40 years old almost 41 just less than a month away from his Birthday before he died. I still think about him and wonder if things would be different with me and my kids if he were alive. Don't get me wrong I love my Husband who I have been married to for 6 years now. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't know what I would do to get by some days.

I decided to start this because a friend from FB said it helps her to write it down and get it out. So here is the post that started some of my friends and family to see how real my illness is:
The struggles with mental illness S#ck A$$. I felt like my doctor just broke up with me. He gave me what I needed then left me High and Dry. Coming off of an antidepressant is so hard for me I feel like letting go. I know I never would do that because I don't think my kids could handle it. So I keep pushing on. I feel like the more I try to move forward in life the more something gets in the way and it feels like I cant breath. So what to do.... Just keep pushing on. Life is what you make of it I know, but when you feel like I do sometimes escaping is all there is to do!
Also I had to post something else so people didn't get to freaked out:
Going to the Dr. for follow up from surgery. I WILL find me a Head Dr. YES I WILL... I know that I am a person who needs Meds. some people say it is all in your head.... Oh what they don't know is how true that statement is! That is why I don't care what people think and that I put it out there for the world to read. Bipolar is Real and it takes a Real person to admit they need help! I am on a high for Life today! And what u read on my posts is how I feel and I would never take my life for God gave us his Son Jesus Christ to die for us. And I know it is a sin... And it would be permanent for something temporary in my head ♥

So this is where I will leave it for now, I hope to try and blog and have a place for people to vent and ask questions. I am a very open and outgoing person I feel that I have more than one side to me. I don't judge and I have always had a BIG heart and open arm policy in my Life. I have been here for so many people and hope that when it comes to it that I will find the help I need in Life. I believe that I am someone who does need medication to be able to get through life and I am not ashamed to admit it. I know suicide is Wrong and I wouldn't do it on purpose, I can't say that I won't die because that isn't my choice, however because I know some things in life happen from mixing things I hope not to do that because in a since it would be like doing it!